Letter to a Child
*Warning, sensitive content about sexual abuse, yet appropriate for children, private body parts named & mentioned
Dear children everywhere,
I want you to know that you are beautiful. This beauty is not about the size of your nose, color of your hair or body, and how many folds of skin it takes to curve over your belly. This kind of beauty doesn’t take into account the size of your shorts or bra. It’s about who you are. You, as an authentic, unique being. You are enough. There is only one you in the entire universe of possibilities. I want you to know that your life is precious, and that you, in your individual uniqueness, are perfect just the way you are. No additions, subtractions or exponents needed.
I want you to know that your body belongs to you and no one else. It isn’t okay for a grown up, friend or other kid to take power over your body. This includes teachers, coaches, parents, relatives, pastors, spiritual leaders, babysitters, clergy, older kids, friends and peers. It includes everyone. It is not okay for ANYONE to touch your private areas except you.
Your doctor might need to check you with your parent(s) in the room, never alone. If you are a young child, you may still need help wiping from a trusted grown up, and that’s okay. Your private areas are sacred and they are for you. When you are a grown up, you get to decide who you share them with. As a child, they are yours and yours alone. No one has the right to touch you like that.
I want you to know that if you are being touched on your breasts, chest, vulva, butt, anus, penis, or anywhere else that makes you feel uncomfortable, you are allowed to say NO! You are allowed, in fact, encouraged to run and yell and scream and tell someone. Tell a trusted grown up, a teacher, a parent, a family member, a friend who you trust. It is also not okay if someone wants you to touch or look at their private areas.
You do not have to carry this alone. This is not normal and is unacceptable. I want you to know that this happens to a lot of kids and it isn’t okay. If it has happened or is happening to you, there is help and you are not alone. A lot of kids have been sexually abused or assaulted. This is tragic and horrific and I want you to know that I have your back, as do a lot of other people and professionals. There are social workers, therapists, call centers and people trained to help you. I want you to know that more and more people are coming forward and talking about their abuse and the things they have gone through. This is right! You have the right to speak up and we want to listen. Your voice matters. You matter. Your story is important. You don’t have to hide and it is not your responsibility to keep your family together or carry this burden in order to protect someone or your family. There is help out there for people who do these things, too. They are not well and need help.
Most importantly, I want you to know that your shame and rage are normal and that there is nothing wrong with you. You did nothing to deserve this.
If you need to, you can even show this to someone if you are having a hard time finding a way to tell someone. Here, I’ll give you a short script you could read or show someone: “Mom/Dad/teacher/friend/Auntie/Uncle, I don’t know how to say this, but something bad has happened to me. Someone has been touching (or looking at) my private areas or making me look at/touch thiers. It makes me feel bad and I don’t like it. I need your help.”
I’ll never forget the day I told my mom that my father had been sexually abusing me since I was 3 years old. I was 13. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You are not flawed. You did nothing wrong. Your body is yours and no one else’s and it is deserving of boundaries, privacy and respect. You are beautiful and deserving of love, support, and respect.
I know I don’t know you, but I love you just the same.
Karla
800.656.HOPE
